unwrite reverse, don't panic! breathe.

Thursday, December 17, 2009 at 8:24 PM | Posted by La
i'm playing mindgames with myself today.
daddy's fine.
wiggling while walking on snow is pretty much fun.
sparkling beauty all around.
i love typing machines
but i don't have one anymore.
not sure if santa exists.
joking around is fine by me, i guess.
i'm bored by people who don't understand that i need my space and my time.
lollipops are my sin.
i'm always excited to hear how other people see me.
you can never eat too much bananas.
hyperactive is how i feel most of the time.
sometimes i talk a lot.
mirrors are there to show you what you want to see.
ask a random person on the street what he thinks of you and you'll
get realistic picture of yourself.
unless you run at a liar.
drugs exists because human kind needs them.
i hate lies but i lied many times.
small things, white lies, but still.
i don't do that anymore.
i fall in love easily&frequently, that's my big disadvantage.
without music, i couldn't even breathe.
big thumbdown for all people who like to interrupt while somebody's speaking
or don't listen carefully.
one of my biggest wishes EVER is to walk on rainbow, i just have to do that once.
don't understand how people can hurt an animal and still be alive.
mom says i'm too stubborn for this system.
i always wanted to be a panda, it would be the best job in the whole world.
ten hours of sleep is never enough.
i made a facebook profile just to annoy my ex bf, he was soo against it.
catwoman = me.
i like summer, but i like spring more.
oddities and i are really close friends, we share common interests.
trying to be something you're not is just stupid.
i'm a random thinker, that's what i do.

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a friend had a vision of me.

at 7:07 AM | Posted by La

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define infinity.

at 6:44 AM | Posted by La
to je ono kad pogledash na sat i u jednom momentu shvatish da si prevazishao vreme,
radish apropo njega, uopshte ne utiche na tebe.
osecash potpunu nezainteresovanost za vremenski period koji je proshao i nemash
frku shto ipak shvatash da satima nishta nisi uradio.
meni su takvi dani u poslednje vreme.
time and i seem to like eachother lately.

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still awake?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 at 2:50 AM | Posted by La
i dalje sam budna, nemam pravi razlog za to.
ne znam kako sam provela danashnji dan i ne znam shta cu raditi sutra.
znam samo shta necu.
necu ponoviti danashnji dan, nikad vishe.
deset puta sam napisala neshto i obrisala.
ne zato shto nisam zadovoljna onim shto je napisano,
vec zbog toga shto sam odluchila da ne zhelim da iko zna za stvari koje sam zamalo
objavila.
bolje je tako.
ceo dan danas razmishljam.
zamishljam neke stvari koje su nerealne, nikada se nece obistiniti.
razmishljam o njemu i celoj nashoj prichi, o chemu se tu zapravo radi.
nevezano za njega, moje emocije su u velikom problemu.
pozhelela sam danas da se neke stvari promene.
josh uvek nisam dobila odgovor,
ali nadam se.

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missing some pieces

Monday, December 14, 2009 at 3:22 PM | Posted by La
we had fun the other day. it was like an explosion of intimate emotions, pure feelings towards everything & everybody who was there that night, intense and true, so beautiful.
and then the snow fell as well.
he completed the whole story.
but i don't know....
today, after all good that happened, i feel normal again.
too normal.
woke up, drank coffee or two, went to the store, enjoyed the snow a little bit,
downloaded some music, watched a football match, and now... nothing.
usual, usual, usual.
it's almost like i'm addicted to constant actions,
something must be happening around me or else... i'll be bored.
i must say that being social [and/or action] addict is mentally exhausting.
"go outside, don't turn around girl" says clark, and that's just what i'm gonna do right now.

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and i started to dance. with myself. naked.

Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 11:38 PM | Posted by La

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bang! bang! you're dead.

Friday, December 11, 2009 at 3:59 PM | Posted by La
i've been killed in my dream this morning.
can't really remember the face of the killer, in fact i don't remember anything in particular
except i was wearing white shirt with a little rainbow on the edge.
i've been shot and there were no traces of blood, not even single spot.
as far as i know, that's good.
somebody told me once that dreaming of your own blood means that something
bad is going to happen in real life, not that i believe in that story.
anyhow, i tried to get out of bed three times today, failed two times, third one
was a big disappointment for me because i HAD TO GO to bathroom.
i never understood that need.
it's boring, annoying and a waste of time.
it's raining again.
if this rain continues to fall just one more day
somebody will break a leg here.
seriously.
tune of the day:
funki porcini - sleepy.

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tears, lollipops and that kind of stuff.

at 4:13 AM | Posted by La
i caught myself listening to telefon tel aviv for the fifth time today
it's really creeping me out
but in a nicest way possible.
i loved every song on last.fm.
would do it a thousand times again
if i could.
it's 4.15am here in novi sad [at the moment]
and there's absolutely no indications that i'm about to sleep soon.
i like the feeling that i get when i realize it's morning
although i'm not delighted with the fact that it's 11th december already.
if everything was the way i wanted,
i would be in berlin by now.
but i'm not.
so shhh, today isn't the 11th december, noo.
but i'm pretty confused with what day, what time, what year it is anyway,
so it doesn't mean anything to me really. [i'm just trying to encourage myself]
i ate my last lollipop, now i have nothing.
no cigarettes, no lollipops, no juice, i failed.
plus i can't sleep.
how convenient.
as much as i definitely enjoy solitude i wouldn't mind, perhaps spending little time with you sometimes, sometimes

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okay i lol'd

Thursday, December 10, 2009 at 7:59 PM | Posted by La
hahahha
few minutes ago,
i went to a website about cooking to see what's new
[i like making various kinds of sweets from time to time. in fact, i make them really often lately]
anyways,
i went to that site to check if there are any messages or new recipes or sth like that
and found this:
in serbian, it means "how's going?"
this page is my fav from now on

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what more can i say?

at 4:06 AM | Posted by La
i just want to express enormous appreciation i feel while listening to this album.
one of the best albums ever made.
starting with "the birds" which is like a flashback, sudden shock, but brings back
old memories i didn't know still exist in my mind.
then there's "your mouth", a track which made me think about my childhood
and all the stuff i loved when i was younger.
"M" is dedicated to one very special person in my life, dotdotdot
"helen of troy" hmm pretty dancy but sad, which is not surprising, i'm all into sadness.
then there's "mostly translucent". i cried.
"stay away from being maybe" is the only track that actually made me dance
which is funny, because the song is about hesitating over strong emotions towards
a person you've known for all your life. but it's cool. it's awesome actually.
brings good and bad feelings at the same time.
"i made a tree on the world" is like someone is telling me a story, a story that i
already know, but fancy to hear anytime again. i love its slow&silent start.
when i heard "your every idol" for the first time, i couldn't help thinking of one
person i really admire. i never had idols or heros in my life [ok heros are different but idols never], and i always thought that people who have the tendency to be like someone are dull and have a lack of self-confidence. anyhow, this song reminded me
of a woman whose personality i totally respect, so i love the song.
the last tune on the album [i deliberately skipped one track] "immolate yourself" speaks for itself. i'm not surprised that the whole album carries that title.
and then, "you are the worst thing in the world".
i left this one for the very end because the lyrics are unbearably emotional.
i know that you're an ocean after the storm has come
to stay
i know that you're the silence after the sun has gone
away
i know that just the smallest part of the world belongs
to me
you know i'm not a blind man
but the truth is the hardest thing
to see
i know that you're the worst thing
in all of the world
for me
*one artist, one album, so many feelings.
telefon tel aviv,
i love you.

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when i was a kid, i wanted to be a panda. i still do.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009 at 3:07 PM | Posted by La

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definitely a vision it is.

Monday, December 07, 2009 at 4:31 PM | Posted by La

definitely a vision it is.

Reply
show details 4:12 AM (12 hours ago)
sanjala sam najbizarniji san ikada koji nije mnogo trajao
i sumanuto sam se trgla iz njega.
vracala sam se kuci sa arturom klarkom
i raspravljali smo o tome kuda pisanje romana i kratkih pricha ide
artur nije bio zadovoljan.nimalo.
on kazhe da su pisci postali previshe sumorni i nekreativni
i da josh od olafa stapledona nije chuo za nekog ko je napisao dobru
sajns fikshn prichu.
ja nisam znala shta da mu kazhem jer nisam chitala olafove tekstove
ali sam morala da istaknem da se meni lichno dopada rej bredberi
kao i da gotivim klajva barkera
na shta se on uzgoropadio
i pocrveneo od besa.
i nastavili smo da hodamo neko vreme bez obracanja jedno drugom
a verovatno bi tako bilo do kraja da ja nisam pochela prichu o tome kako
mrzim to shto ljudi olako shvataju nauchnu fantastiku i njene pisce,
jer,
da bi pisao takve priche morash da posedujesh shirok dijapazon znanja,
iz raznoraznih nauchnih oblasti
i da budesh u toku sa svim i svachim
da bi tvoja dela bila interesantna.
i da nije u redu to shto ljudi tek tako odbacuju nauchno-fantastichne priche
svrstavajuci ih u neinteresantne
a da im pritom nisu ni dali shansu;
na shta se on malo odobrovoljio
a nedugo zatim smo se rastali.
i onda sam neko vreme shetala sama
razmishljajuci o tome kako sam upravo
vodila dijalog sa arturom jebenim klarkom.
i onda sam se probudila.
i iako je proshlo vec jedno desetak minuta kako sedim za stolom,
i dalje me drzhi utisak da je sve to bilo stvarno
osecaj kao da nisam sanjala.
da ne pominjem kako mi ovo nije prvi put da sanjam a.klarka.
i josh se i kris jebeni preziva klark.
pa ubicu se.
*poslat mejl. u chetiri ujutru.

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sentimental heart.

at 1:54 AM | Posted by La
my boy's having a birthday today
and i'm happy
just
because.

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plastic toy record player.

Friday, December 04, 2009 at 10:15 AM | Posted by La
according to last.fm's statistics:
i'm pretty amazed by the fact that my girly mood isn't over yet.

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hey there little girly girl.

Thursday, December 03, 2009 at 5:16 PM | Posted by La
i'm a girl.
just a little, scared girl.
afraid of being alone,
lost,
dazzled,
trapped,
deceived.
it isn't so hard to understand my needs.
they're way too simple.
yet, everytime i try to open my soul to someone, i get hurt.
it's like breaking a little, heartshaped glass.
it's not so easy, but it's not impossible either.
yesterday i talked to my friend.
we talked for hours about everything we're afraid of.
she confessed, i confessed
and at one moment, we had like forty items on the list.
she said i am running away.
from real life, real love, real job, everything that's real.
i wouldn't call it a runaway
maybe just a little step aside
but definitely not a runaway.
when you get to the point in your life
when nothing is enough for you
and you're always craving for more
you get empty.
because noone in this damn world isn't ready to fulfill that emptiness
by just being by your side.
this planet is growing cold and i don't think it'll ever be like it used to.
maybe i'm just old-fashioned
but it's hard for me to spend time with someone and not care.
three days ago i would say i love the world.
today, i'm not really sure.
why?
nobody knows.
maybe i'm just too insecure with my own feelings,
maybe i don't trust people anymore.
my mother always says "trust people, but always be 2 percent reserved"
in my case, it's more than two.
back to the point.
she asked "why are you doing it then, if it hurts you? why are you still supporting those emotions
if they're to break anytime?"
and i said "because i love the boy."

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np: luke vibert. again.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009 at 1:53 PM | Posted by La
this is how i want you to imagine me.

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